Tuesday, June 20, 2017

A 58-Year-Old Secret


I don’t think I will ever forget her voice.  She sounded so sweet and so kind.  She reminded me of some of the older ladies at church that we love so much.  Will I ever hear from her again?

It’s not quite as easy as it looks on Long Lost Family.  Back in March when I sent a request form to Colorado to get a copy of my original pre-adoption birth certificate, I had no idea how things would turn out. 

I was expecting that it would take a month to get the birth certificate.  The check had been cashed.  Every day I would go to the mail box with the hope that it was finally here.  After two months, my patience was wearing thin so I decided to call Colorado’s Vital Check offices. 

After a couple of phone calls, I finally talked to someone live, instead of a recording.  The person acknowledged receiving my request and could see that they had been paid, but couldn’t tell me where they were at in the process.  She took my name and number and said someone would call me back. 

When the phone didn’t ring, I called again the next day.  Don’t ask me how come, but they couldn’t find my request form.  But at least I got a person who was able to help me.  She requested that I fill out a new form and email it to her, which I did right away.

A week later, I was holding a copy of my original birth certificate in my hand.  On it, was the name of my birth mother and biological father.  Now, I had some solid information to go by and could start fleshing out a biological family tree. 

On Ancestry, I started doing a search by her name, with very little other identifying information.  Perhaps it would be enough.  I had her name, her age, the state where she was born and the county and state where she resided when I was born.

It was just enough to help me narrow down to the person who might be my birth mother.  There were somethings in her life that made it seem like was the right person. 

On Memorial Day, I received an email from Ancestry letting me know my DNA results were back.  So cool!  The results weren’t what I expected.  I had been told my birth parents background was English, German, Swedish and Norwegian, flip flopped from my parents who adopted me. 

Instead, my family background included 78% Great Britain, 9% Irish (who knew), and 6% Europe West.  Kind of exciting and cool to learn that information.  Better than that was the DNA matches to people on Ancestry.  One of whom was a close family member to my birth mother.  So that confirmed the direction I was going with the family tree.

An internet searched showed an address where my birth mother lives.  I handwrote a brief letter to her.  I kept it vague and didn’t come right out and say, “Hi Mom, how are you doing?”  Since I didn’t know her current state and if her family might be caring for her, I gave some basic information and asked her to contact me if she knew anything about my birth.

Three weeks later I still hadn’t heard anything.  Not a phone call, email or letter.  I decided to put another letter in the mail.  This time I shared more details and included a copy of my birth certificate.  I explained how I determined she was likely my birth mother and the DNA test showed that I was close match to someone she was related to.

I sent that letter a week ago.  I think my husband, Chris has been more anxious than I have been.  I didn’t know if I would be contacted, but at least it was worth a try. 

Today, when the phone rang and displayed the city and state where my birth mother lives I knew it might be her.  Or one of her children.  Wow!

I picked up the phone and it was my birth mother.  She sounded very sweet and caring.  We didn’t talk long, but it was enough.  Well…mostly.  She thanked me for being discrete in my communication with her.  She confirmed that she was my birth mother.  She said that my birth was a secret and that her family didn’t know about it.  She’s had a good life and a loving family and her health is good. 

I had written a little bit about my life and family.  She asked a few questions and I asked about my biological father.  She didn’t have a lot of information about him.  So hopefully my DNA test result may help point me in the right direction. 

In my letter and on the phone, I shared about my faith in Christ.  Praise God, she too is a Christian.  So, if I don’t hear from her again, I have the promise of seeing her and getting to know her in heaven. 

When the phone call ended, I told her to feel free to call me any time.  I don’t know if she will do that.  Since my birth is 58-year-old secret, I may not hear from her again.  On the other hand, perhaps the Lord will be at work in her life and she may choose to share the news with her family and children.  That’s out of my control…but not outside the Lord’s control. 

As I ended the phone call, I knew it might be the only time I get to speak with her.  But she sounded like sweet, loving and caring woman.  I wish I could get to know her.  But for now, I choose to be satisfied with what the Lord has provided. 

Apart from getting my original birth certificate and the DNA tests…I don’t think I would have ever been able to find my birth mother.  I am so grateful for the support and encouragement from my husband Chris.  He didn’t hesitate and encouraged me to try. 

Next, I will try to see if I can find out who my biological father is, but I’ll have to rely heavily on DNA information for that part of my search. 

So, if any of you is curious on your family background, I encourage you to see what you can find.  Perhaps you just want to know the genetic background and the DNA test will help answer some of those questions.  Or maybe you are searching for your biological parents.  I was fortunate because the State of Colorado has recently opened up their adoption records.  Do what you can and have realistic expectations.

While I was hopeful, I would be able to make contact with my birth mother, I knew that might not happen.  I’m so grateful the Lord surprised me and I got to speak to her.  I hope I always remember her voice. 


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