Hey there my Abba Father…my Daddy. Do you have a minute? Can we talk?
It seems like the last couple of weeks I have been so busy…I’ve been racing around doing a lot of stuff…even good things but haven’t made enough time for You.
I feel like You are doing a work in my life. I’ve had some extreme highs and lows these last two weeks. On those mountain top highs…I feel like floating on cloud and will never come down and my faith has never been higher.
Before I know it the next day or next hour…doubt creeps in and my faith fails me. That which I believed You were doing is now in doubt. Lord…if the work You are doing in my life and if answering my one and only prayer is based on my faith…I might as well pack it up. But if it’s based on Your goodness and mercy towards…albeit so very undeserved…then my prayer will be answered.
You know Father…when I go to Bible Study Fellowship each week I never know if I’m going to be convicted or encouraged in my spirit. The last couple of weeks…I must confess were conviction. Both times…I barely made it to class on time…and both weeks…completing my lesson had been put off until the very last day…and I was writing down my last answers before I got into the car to go to class. I start out good by reading the notes the first day...then I’ve been getting off track after that.
Last week…I wasn’t sitting in our group for more than a few minutes when You dealt with me. The new girl shared how hard the first few lessons were so hard for her to complete. That she only was able to do so by praying and relying upon Your Holy Spirit to guide her. If You would have hit me upside the head…I don’t think I would have felt it more. I realized that I take for granted completing the lessons. I’ve been in BSF now for a number of years. Even when don’t take the time to genuinely see what You are saying in your word…I can come up with the “right answer”. But in doing so…in studying the Bible based on my own wisdom and knowledge, by failing to come to You in prayer and ask the Holy Spirit guide me…I’m missing it. I’m missing You Jesus.
It’s kind of like going so see a friend, to talk and catch up…but instead I’m looking out the window, not paying attention and not listening to a word they say.
I’m sure it was my guilty conscience that caused me to feel like you were punishing me by making me sit in the back row. You know how much I love to sit in the front row…no distractions…I can focus. I felt like You were saying, “Susan…you put Me in the back row this week. Now tell Me, how does it feel?” You know what…it doesn’t feel good God.
To top it off…I was distracted. Focused on the girl that offended me when I walked in. I know she didn’t mean it that way. I do know that…but You had me working on issues of forgiveness while I listened to the lecture. You know how they say hindsight is 20/20…well ain’t that the truth? If had been quick to forgive the offence, and quickly come to You and asked for forgiveness for putting You in the back row…I would have been able to concentrate and hear what Your word had to say to me that night.
On Monday night…You had another lesson waiting for me. They always seem to take me by surprise or are from the most unexpected sources. Sometimes during the lecture…sometimes in class when sharing our answers.
I guess I could analyze why I didn’t answer the question right…but bottom line…it never even crossed my mind. I’m the one that missed out because I didn’t seek You, I didn’t make the time to study diligently Your word so that I could know You better.
Jesus…how could I have missed it? How? The question…what are your treasures stored up in heaven? Obviously I knew that my salvation is secured in heaven because of Your sacrifice on the cross. I thought I was being humble when I dared not presume to state what treasures I have stored up in heaven. How dare I…I don’t even deserve to be there.
But I missed it….You Jesus are my treasure in heaven. How could I have missed that? As soon as I heard it…I knew it!
Jesus…now for the hard question…did I not know it because I have failed to make You my treasure here on earth?
Jesus…I don’t want to do that ever again. I don’t care if I get every answer wrong on my lesson…as long as I find You that is all that I want.
Jesus…this week You revealed Yourself to me in the most marvelous way. Words can not describe it. I have never in my life felt Your presence like I did Sunday night. I bathed in Your glory and I never wanted to leave.
I’m tired of letting the distractions of this world bid me to set You aside for them. Now I’m not saying I want to go live on some mountaintop and live a life with no demands competing for my time and attention. But I want to make time for You each day…in prayer…in the study of Your word. I don’t want to rush through a lesson in order answer all the questions…only to miss The Answer.
But I can’t do this on my own. The demands of life will keep nipping at my heals demanding attention. Now Jesus…You dealt with this when You walked this earthy…so I know You know the pressures and can help me.
God…why did You choose me before the foundations of this world? One who is so weak and such a failure? I feel like such a hypocrite just like the Pharisees. I put on a good act on the outside…but there are times when there is little going on within me.
Jesus…I don’t want to miss You. Will You hold on to me and promise to never let go? Because I can’t promise I’ll do the same. I am so weak. I want to bring You glory…I want to do good…but I can’t do it on my own God. Fill me with Your Holy Spirit…and never, ever let me go. In Jesus holy name I pray…Amen!