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Oh my soul Here I am adrift In a sea of wild emotions
Hope has turned to despair Depression is closing in Oh may I not fall into the sin of unbelief
Lord…I feel as though I have been exiled Banished from Your presence May I not given in to my feelings
Soul…I must take every thought captive Find encouragement in God’s word May I firmly cinch the Belt of Truth around me
When I feel as though I’m drowning May I reach out and cling To the Rock Who is higher than I
When I feel abandoned May I remember Your promises Assured that You will never leave, nor forsake me
When the darkness descends May You be my Bright & Morning Star The Light unto my path
When taunted, “Where is your God?” May I remember…while He is invisible God is never inactive
May I seek You Lord Bask in the glory of Your presence See my life in light of Your purpose and plan
May I find hope in Your radiance Comfort in Your word Peace in Your presence
Susan Bunts Wachtel June 14, 2009
Have you had the experience that when the Pastor is preaching…you feel certain that the message is just for you? That’s what I experienced today. I felt as though Pastor Philip De Courcy was preaching a message designed especially for me. I’ll bet you a lot of folks felt that way this morning.
It was the right message and was in God’s perfect timing.
Pastor Philip preached a message out of Psalm 42 -43 on despair and depression. The word of God not only comforts and acts as a healing balm but it challenges us to “get a grip” . In this instance…take every thought captive.
This poem was motivated by and composed from the notes I took from today’s sermon.
Here I am A sitting duck Vulnerable For that which so easily entangles me
I have sinned Against God And against man Justifiably reproached by those who love me
I long to flee from sin Say, “No!” Turn my this ship around But how
I haven’t the strength on my own Where do I begin How do I start To turn my life around
I’ve tried…really I have It seems like every door is closed Slammed shut in my face What am I supposed to do now
I don’t even know if I believe in God But I do believe in the devil For he has deceived me I believed his lies…hook, line and sinker
Drugs and alcohol They were supposed to numb the pain Help me feel good about who I am Make me forget about everything I’m not
But before I knew it…sin took hold of me What kind of son betrays his own mother The one who loved me Always freely gave
I went from the occasional “Little white lie” Before long My heart grew cold and calloused
Now I’m Trapped by my iniquity With ease I’ve hurt and used Anyone in my path
Society tells me I’ve served my time Paid the price For the wrong I’ve done
Now I’ve been set free I want to change…I really do People tell me they are praying Not sure what that means…but please don’t stop
Yes…I desperately need God’s help But I also need A helping hand From real live flesh and blood
Someone who understands Knows what I’m feeling Encountered those demons within That I’m fighting with all my might
Someone to hold me accountable Show me how to get along What to do…what not to do How to live in the day to day world
Someone who understands What seems like baby steps Is a giant leap For this broken, hurting soul
Susan Bunts Wachtel February 10, 2009
When I read the first lines of this poem to my husband Chris he thought, “Oh no…what has Susan done that she needs to confess?” But I assured him it wasn’t my story I was writing about…but instead a compilation of some of those broken, hurting souls we know. It is by the grace of God…I’ve been spared the wayward path of some.
But we all know some of these people…family or friends whose lives have spiraled out of control. Or maybe…just maybe…it’s me that God has delivered from my wayward past. May God help these broken, hurting souls.
Thank you to those who have a heart to help. Those who offer a helping hand, prayer, wise counsel from God's word…and tough love. This poem is dedicated to Gary Peterson who heads the Prison Ministry at Kindred Community Church.
Because the Lord is my Shepherd I have… Joy in my sorrow Comfort in my pain Faith in my doubt Light in the darkness Peace in the storms Hope in my trials Strength in my weakness Forgiveness of my sin A never forsaking Friend
by Susan Bunts Wachtel January 11, 2009
Dedicated to special friends for whom I am most grateful. Love you and praying for you dear ones.
When I downloaded pictures I had taken this last Sunday…I found a number of shots that were not so hot.Especially this one of the cross on the hill at Kindred Community Church.I have so many great shots…but in this picture I can barely see the cross.Instead I’m focusing on the dried wiper marks on the windshield that make everything blurry and hard to see.
At first I was going to delete the picture and dismiss it as just a bad shot.But then I realized it kind of signified what I’ve been feeling in my relationship with God lately.
While my theology is sound…and biblically based…and I know that God will never leave me, nor forsake me…emotionally I haven’t felt a connection with God in the last few weeks. I feel emotionally disconnected.
I’m sure that the busyness of a recent move, unpacking our new home, cleaning and store things from our old place, working too much overtime, having very few minutes a day to rest is contributing to the equation.
I find myself asking God if there is any un-confessed sin in my life that is blocking that feeling of relationship.If there is sin…that He would reveal it to me so that I can take care of business quickly and restore that relationship.
Last night the feeling of disconnect was especially strong.I found myself desperate be connected to God.To have the sense of His presence in my day to day life.I felt like God was absent.I picked up the word of God and found my mind was so busy and wandering through the events of the day and recent weeks that I couldn’t focus.
If I could have snapped my fingers or done something immediate in the moment to feel God’s presence…I would have done it.I felt quite desperate for Him.Almost a physical ache. Those feelings were a reminder of what I had experienced before.After some desperate times…I came to the conclusion that I can get through any circumstance as long as I have Jesus Christ. While I may have to endure unpleasant circumstances or difficult times…it doesn’t compare to living a life without God.To not have relationship with my God…my Savior Jesus Christ…is unbearable.It’s like trying to live without oxygen.
One of the ways I connect with God…and work through issues is to write.It’s there that God ministers to me and counsels me.He helps me to examine what I’m feeling or what I’ve seen through the truth of the Bible.
Because of the exceptionally busy times…I’ve not been able to write.I’ve had no time to be still and abide in God.Instead I’ve been dealing with the demands of life at the expense what’s essential.So tonight…while I’ll pay the price with tomorrow for too little rest…I’m thankful to have slipped away to spend a few minutes with God.
Thankfully during this busy time…I’ve been able to go to church, Bible study and be in prayer.But all that doesn’t substitute for some alone time and connection with God on a very personal level.
It’s kind of like a wife who sees her husband across the way at a friend’s party.She sees him from afar and even says, “Hi”.But if she doesn’t spend any alone time with him…away and apart from others…I can guarantee you…the relationship would suffer.
God says in His word that He will never leave us, nor forsake us.I guess I haven’t been showing up to meet with Him personally.
Thank you Lord for being there…and meeting with me once again.May I be a Mary and not a Martha.May I put that which is essential…Jesus Christ…before everyone and everything else.
May we thank God for the privilege to worship Him here
The body of Christ united…at Kindred
By the grace of God
Our church still stands
Susan Bunts Wachtel
November 15, 2008
How easy it is to be complacent…take for granted that our church will always be here for us to assemble and worship our Lord and Savior.
But as the ash rained down…and smoke filled the sky when we looked toward the east our hearts were burdened to pray for God’s mercy and grace in these circumstances.
Thank you Lord…for answering our prayers…and protecting the building called Kindred Community Church. We are most grateful.Thank you for sending brave men…ordinary citizens…to stand in the gap.We thank you for the firefights who willingly put their lives on the lines.We pray for those who have lost their homes in the fires.We pray for relief for all effected by the fires.
The pictures above are of our beloved cross…the sight of which I love so very much.They were taken just last Sunday…on a cloud filled rainy day.When I see it from a distance…it so reminds me of God’s love and His power in my life and circumstances.When I see it…my stress level starts to melt away.
Who would have thought that just a week later…our church building would lie in the path of wildfires.Well our God knew that…nothing takes Him by surprise.Today…He protected our church home.While tomorrow…we will not meet as a church body…you can be sure that the members of Kindred will be one in giving thanks to our God for His mercy and grace bestowed upon our church.
Just a few miles away…in the middle of moving to a new apartment, my husband Chris and I looked up into the sky as the smoke clouds increased and the sun turned red.
We were amazed at God’s hand upon us as we heard the news that apartments we had considered moving to just a couple weeks earlier…had just gone up in flames.50 apartment homes were lost.By the grace of God…so far no lives have been lost.
Below are the pictures taken with my cell phone. The ash was poured down…and breathing was difficult…and we were several miles from the fire. I can’t even imagine how horrible it would be for those much closer and in the path of the flames.
