When I downloaded pictures I had taken this last Sunday…I found a number of shots that were not so hot. Especially this one of the cross on the hill at Kindred Community Church. I have so many great shots…but in this picture I can barely see the cross. Instead I’m focusing on the dried wiper marks on the windshield that make everything blurry and hard to see.
At first I was going to delete the picture and dismiss it as just a bad shot. But then I realized it kind of signified what I’ve been feeling in my relationship with God lately.
While my theology is sound…and biblically based…and I know that God will never leave me, nor forsake me…emotionally I haven’t felt a connection with God in the last few weeks. I feel emotionally disconnected.
I’m sure that the busyness of a recent move, unpacking our new home, cleaning and store things from our old place, working too much overtime, having very few minutes a day to rest is contributing to the equation.
I find myself asking God if there is any un-confessed sin in my life that is blocking that feeling of relationship. If there is sin…that He would reveal it to me so that I can take care of business quickly and restore that relationship.
Last night the feeling of disconnect was especially strong. I found myself desperate be connected to God. To have the sense of His presence in my day to day life. I felt like God was absent. I picked up the word of God and found my mind was so busy and wandering through the events of the day and recent weeks that I couldn’t focus.
If I could have snapped my fingers or done something immediate in the moment to feel God’s presence…I would have done it. I felt quite desperate for Him. Almost a physical ache. Those feelings were a reminder of what I had experienced before. After some desperate times…I came to the conclusion that I can get through any circumstance as long as I have Jesus Christ. While I may have to endure unpleasant circumstances or difficult times…it doesn’t compare to living a life without God. To not have relationship with my God…my Savior Jesus Christ…is unbearable. It’s like trying to live without oxygen.
One of the ways I connect with God…and work through issues is to write. It’s there that God ministers to me and counsels me. He helps me to examine what I’m feeling or what I’ve seen through the truth of the Bible.
Because of the exceptionally busy times…I’ve not been able to write. I’ve had no time to be still and abide in God. Instead I’ve been dealing with the demands of life at the expense what’s essential. So tonight…while I’ll pay the price with tomorrow for too little rest…I’m thankful to have slipped away to spend a few minutes with God.
Thankfully during this busy time…I’ve been able to go to church, Bible study and be in prayer. But all that doesn’t substitute for some alone time and connection with God on a very personal level.
It’s kind of like a wife who sees her husband across the way at a friend’s party. She sees him from afar and even says, “Hi”. But if she doesn’t spend any alone time with him…away and apart from others…I can guarantee you…the relationship would suffer.
God says in His word that He will never leave us, nor forsake us. I guess I haven’t been showing up to meet with Him personally.
Thank you Lord for being there…and meeting with me once again. May I be a Mary and not a Martha. May I put that which is essential…Jesus Christ…before everyone and everything else.