Missing

I tell people that you are missing
The truth of the matter is
I have no idea what’s become of you

Until “that day”
I had always thought highly of you
Believed that you were upstanding and hardworking

Then the truth of your character
Was revealed
The depths of your depravity became clear

After that
I didn’t want to have much to do with you
The occasionally obligatory phone call sufficed

Because of our mom
We had to have some contact
But then you faded away

Has it been five or six years now
I forget
Time and events all seem to run together

Honestly I found myself angry
Resentful
That you had nothing to do with our mother

No cards
No phone calls
No checking in to see how she was doing

Was it guilt that drove you away
Or because the well had dried up
It was no longer profitable for you

Well, your mom has been dead
For almost a year now
I have no way to let you know

Or are you still out there
Anonymously
But somehow still in the know

It’s hard to imagine
That the one who resorted to dishonesty
Would not seek his fair share of what remained

That’s why I fear
Wonder daily
What’s happened to you

Did you cross the wrong person this time
Reap the consequences
Of the depths to which you’ve sunk

Is your body lying in a shallow grave
Hidden…never be discovered
Will your fate ever be known

Are your remains in a morgue
The name John Doe
Tied to your toe

Are you imprisoned
Has the law finally caught up with you
Are you paying society its due

Or are you far away
In some distant land
Hoping to avoid the penalty for your wrong doing

There is not a day
That I don’t think about you
Worry and wonder what’s become of you

I don’t know where to begin
Or what to do
To find you

The search I paid for
Came up fruitless
All traces of you disappeared a few years ago

Only God knows what’s become of you
Dear brother, I pray that the Reveler of mysteries
Will reveal what’s happened to you

Susan Bunts Wachtel
February 11, 2009