I wonder just how much God has carried me and enabled me at each step. Kind of like the man walking on the beach...sees two sets of footprints from he and God. When he see just one set he asks God...where were you? God tell the man...He carried him then
A few lessons I've learned...
Low expectations is a really good thing. It takes punch out of disappointments and hurts that you will encounter. It's a very freeing concept...and will reduce everyone's stress level exponentially.
Sometimes I feel almost like I don't care about how my mother feels with Alzheimer's. In some respects...it's allowed me to carry on and not be overwhelmed. If I were to focus for any length of time...on the losses that my mom has endured...I would be paralyzed and overwhelmed to point of inaction. I wouldn't be able to function and make the decisions I need to make to take care of things right now.
There will come a day and time in which God will make it right...and give beauty for the ashes of Alzheimer's.
There are times...moments when I have a flash of how horrifying this whole thing is...it takes my breath away...and then I have to move on and get back to the present. When my mom does die...then I will be able to reflect more fully. Right now...I need to keep my focus.
I thank God that he has made me a strong person...and enabled me.