September 11th...On a Personal Note

Some reflections on September 11th...from a personal standpoint.

Prior to September 11, 2001...I use to think I'd really like to know what's going to happen in the future. That it would be a good thing know what's coming down the pike.

And now...in fact shortly after that day...I realized I'm glad I don't know what tomorrow will bring. Heck, some days...it's a challenge just getting through the day. God knows what the coming days and future holds...I just need to hold tight to Him. I need to live my life...and let God be God and trust him. Trust Him based on His character...and who He's revealed Himself to be in and through His Word.

My love for my country...the United States of America grew exponentially. While we do have our flaws...we have a strong foundation to build on and grow on. One that allows individuals to achieve that which they focus on and work towards.

I was conservative in my politics prior to 9/11...but took a hard turn to the right. Any naivete left over from my liberal past died on that day. I was wide awake and aware of what real evil was and what the perpetrators were capable of doing.

The sight of a fireman, police officer or military personnel kind of gets me choked up. My heart swells with love and appreciation for their hard work and service to protect and defend our country and it's citizens. When I see a member of our military...I want to give them a hug, shake their hand and thank them for their service.

Seeing an American flag...makes me tear up or cry. I can't sing our National Anthem or God Bless America or say the pledge of allegiance without wanting to bawl like a baby. And sometimes I do just that.

Each night...I turn on a light in my window that highlights the small flag nearby.

I have a real tender spot in my heart for family and friends that have touched my life. I appreciate as never before good people. Not perfect...but just good.

I don't avoid painful feelings or subjects. They are part of life. And pain and hurt doesn't make life bad...it may make the moment bad...but that moment changes...and good returns once again.

I love truth and clarity.

Ever since September 11th...I've had the hardest time reading books or even magazine articles. I love to read...and feel like that love was robbed from me that day. And I'm not sure why. My ability to focus and concentrate on a book is short lived...and I loose interest. It took me a year before I picked up the book I was reading on September 11th and finished it. I hope I get this love of reading back again...I miss it. Oh don't get me wrong I do read...but nothing equivalent to before.

I've seen only a handful of movies at the theater since that day. I have a hard time sitting in a theater and watching a movie for two hours. I feel anxious...and would rather be doing any one of a number of other things. Oh I do watch movies...mostly at home on DVD now. And I'm a lot more choosy on what I watch. I have a zero tolerance for stars that denigrate our country...and I won't see their work.

And mostly...dying and heaven seem like a pretty good thing some days. With each time I receive word of friend dying...or someone whom I respected passing away...the world seems a little more cold and a lot less desirable. I'm not afraid to die...and do look forward to going to my heavenly rewards...and leaving behind a world filled with too much evil, pain, death, and destruction.

September 11th is a day I hold near and dear to my heart. I thank God for the good that has come from that day.